November 2, 2007 7:14 pm

The Ongoing Spider Saga

Lest I continue to create any more confusion, um, I am not a derby player. Sad! I know! It would be so cool, but I am not. I am, however, a spectator who is considering maybe eventually learning to skate well and try out for derby. So, um, when I say “our” team, I… I mean the team I cheer for. Because I know one of the players. :blush: Not that I play derby because I don’t.

Now that I have gotten that embarrassing confession out of the way, I shall delve into the spider saga. It is pretty well documented that I hate spiders. A lot. I claim I have arachnophobia, but I don’t do the hysterical screaming and crying and trying to hide under chairs at the sight of one, I just get really scared and run away and get someone else to kill it because IT IS INVADING MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE PLEASE HELP.

Naturally, there have been several spiders that have decided to take up residence in the area directly above the front door to our building. Yes. This means that every time I want to LEAVE HOME, I have to walk under them and it is a harrowing experience. And it is less of a walk than a quick, sprinting jump through the door onto the top steps that lead down to the sidewalk. Coming back in is much more difficult because it involves attempting the quick, sprinting jump inward through the door while simultaneously unlocking said door. Of course, all of this is an effort to spend the least amount of time possible standing underneath the wretched creatures.

They are up high, and the most offensive of the bunch is probably bigger than a quarter if you laid it out flat. Its back end is as big as a peanut M&M, at least. You will not see photos, because there is nothing I hate more than being confronted with a giant spider photo on a website when that is very much the last thing I’d like to see. Also because I do not want to have to take a photo of it.

Seriously, what can I do? I am considering writing a letter to our property management company to get rid of them. I do not, however, want them to spray for spiders, because you know what that does? It brings them out in DROVES from where they have been hiding out into the open to die, and I don’t think I can handle any more dangly spiders over my front door. We did that once at the hotel I used to work at and it was horrible. We have occasionally been coming in through the back door to avoid them, and one of our friends is absolutely petrified of spiders and we have to tell them to wait outside on the sidewalk instead of being able to come in for a moment.

Options? Solutions? How can we get rid of them without a) killing them ourselves, or b) spraying for them?

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  • Vixx says:

    I’m shaking even as I read this . . . and I wish that I was exaggerating. :\

    Do you have any non-spider hating (or loving) friends who can come over and remove then for you?

    V xx

  • kerrianne says:

    Too bad there is no such thing as The Spider Whisperer.

    (Oh, and I figured out you didn’t * do * Derby when you emailed last night; I’m such a boob sometimes. You are still rad, and I too am excited to check it out.)

  • Chris says:

    Hmm, while I share your extreme hatred of spiders, I don’t know of any other way to get rid of em, other than spray em or stomp em. I just saw a huge one in the bushes outside of our building the other day (which, I think as Kerri Anne told you, is just down the street from your building) and I’m freaking out thinking that it’s going to crawl in one of our open windows (3 stories up).

    Death to spiders!

  • Brigitte says:

    Whoops! Partially my bad! :o

    As for the spiders, do they make Spider Hotels like those Ant Hotels? Where they go in a snack on poison? It’s a thought!

  • Erin says:

    Gather up some bravery, plug in your vaccuum cleaner, and suck them out of the sky. Or pay a neighbor $20 to do this. Good luck.

  • Sarah says:

    That is hilarious in an “I feel bad for you but I’m still laughing over here” kind of way. Um… Hm. I would get a brave friend to get a big, flat object (a binder, a textbook, etc.), a stepladder, and get to walloping those spiders. That way others won’t get stirred up from spraying, but you’ll get rid of the spiders in the creepy location.

  • Heidi the spider lover! says:

    There is no reason to kill these spiders! Did they kill you or your family? Just relocate them. All you need is a glass and a piece of junk mail. Put the glass over you eight legged friend, slide the junk mail under the glass, take your spider buddy down the street a way and then bid him farewell. It’s that easy. spraying and killing is not the answer. Peace man!!!

  • @ heidi the spider lover:
    i, too, prefer to resort to non-violent methods when dealing with house pests. however, that being said, have you seen these freaking spiders?! they are gigantic and dangerous-looking and i think they have leopard spots on them. they are so intimidating, especially for someone who is so opposed to liking spiders. that’s just my pov.