Thank you so, so much. Everybody.
I do feel better. Not perfect, but better. Daniel and I talked last night about a lot of the stuff I posted about, and you all were so wonderfully nice in your comments and emails. Smooches to you all.
There have been some agreements made and I’m going to try to take a break every once in a while to chill out. Daniel is going to help around the house more and stuff (well, he mentioned it, hopefully he’ll remember he said it), things like that. I failed to mention, I think, that last Saturday I worked my ass off cleaning. I took everything out of the bathroom, scrubbed the bathtub down, scrubbed the toilet and counter and swept the floor and shook out the bathmat. I picked up the whole living room and organized everything, folded my laundry and put it away (this NEVER happens), did the dishes, and did a bit of homework. It was insane. And I tend to look at days like that as the exception, not the norm, when I really do pick up quite a bit around here. I hate doing dishes but I do them frequently(ish). It’s like, even though I do stuff, it never feels like it’s real. I don’t quite know how to explain it.
And thank you for being so nice about the weight thing. I… Well, the reason I said that is because I am overweight for my height. Maybe I hide it well? I don’t know. But I weigh too much for how tall (err, short) I am and I know that’s unhealthy. Except, when I’m upset, those last few sentences morph from being somewhat articulate to me lamenting how “fat” I am. So… yeah. That’s that, I guess.
I can’t even describe how awkward I feel even discussing marriage here, because so many people I know personally read this (hi, Daniel’s family!) and like I said, it seems like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it. I don’t know why I feel so intimidated about it. Geh. Daniel and I discussed this more too, and he’s agreed to take it more into consideration and I’ve agreed to not be totally crazy about it. He’d like me to mention that his sentiments I posted were from a conversation about a month ago, and he’s thought about it more and he feels less like that now than he did then. So, progress.
And Elea, I think you’re right – I should mention things as they come up instead of just letting them stew for weeks. It’s kind of a bad habit. I try to put on a happy face and make it seem like everything’s okay even when it isn’t.
Um, what else to say? Thanks to Paul for encouraging me to actually post all that stuff. He said I should say something; not sure if he meant in that way or not but that’s what worked for me at the time.
To sum up: I’m doing better. Hopefully, this spring break will help relax me a bit.