The Hot Pink Snowsuit
Killswitch Engage – “Fixation on the Darkness”
In light of JessicaRabbit’s recent illustrated post, I have decided to do one of my own. Mine does not involve hairy butts. Also, my drawings aren’t to scale; I was actually much shorter than illustrated.
When I was seven, I had a pink snowsuit. Hot pink. It was a source of embarrassment for me on several occasions, the first being the field trip to a glass blowing company.
My mom sent me to school in the pink snowsuit, I guess figuring I’d take it off once I got there. However, we left for the field trip right away and since the only coat I had was the full-body snowsuit, I had to wear it. Inside the glass blowing company, it got really hot and I wanted to take off my jacket. I couldn’t, though, because I was wearing snowboots and it would have been a huge endeavor and I would have had to put it right back on again.
So there I was, in the glass blowing company, with big fat snowboots and the coat part of the snowsuit dragging behind me on the ground because I couldn’t take off the pants. I vaguely recall trying to tie the arms of the snowsuit around my waist to try to hold the pants up, but I don’t think it worked.
The second incident (which lasted far longer than the first) was the fault of my younger brother, Carson. He was running around the basement (probably age four) and knocked over a drying rack onto our wood furnace. My hot pink snowsuit was drying on the drying rack at that very moment, and one buttcheek was horribly disfigured.
My mother’s solution to the hole and the big burn mark around it was to stitch three gigantic heart patches over it. It may sound cute, but I assure you it wasn’t. It was just embarrassing.
The third and final incident involving the snowsuit had to do with an old friend, Emily. We were sliding down a snowy hill on our butts at our elementary school, and I went down first. There was a bit of a jump at the end, so when I landed flat on my back I just laid there for a moment. Emily took this opportunity to slide down after me and bellyflopped on my face, leaving me with a bloody nose.
I tried to staunch it as best I could, but it was bad. I was grabbing handfulls of snow and bleeding all over them and then bleeding on my snowsuit and trying to wipe it off with snow. I was a mess. I’m sure the snowsuit still has bloodstains on the right arm.
Needless to say, I don’t think I was unhappy when I finally grew out of it.
File Under: General
Thank you for choosing material that is non-hairy butthole related.
I’m still deeply disturbed over the Rabbit’s evil doodles.
That brings back memories of being 10 yers old, growing up in northern Wisconsin. I can remember doing the half snow suit with the arms tied around the waist. The worst is when we would run around out in the woods during the winter and you would have to take a leak. Looking back on it, it seems kinda foolish to let your kids run around on a 160 acre piece of land basically unsupervised. Being kids, I don’t think we ever worried about bears and other wild animals in the woods. Ah, those were the days.