When we left off, I hadn’t yet recieved Cervadil and was tolerating the misoprostol contractions pretty well. After my next check around 7pm, the nurse administered the Cervadil and we waited to see how things would progress.

Right around 9pm, I decided to take her up on the offer of Ambien so I could get a decent night’s sleep. Of course, immediately after taking the Ambien to put me to sleep, my contractions became a lot more regular and much harder to manage. I wasn’t crying or anything, but after a while I was having to really focus on breathing through them and (I think since they were artificially started) I wasn’t getting decent breaks in between them. After talking with the nurse, we decided it’d be a good idea to let me get in the jacuzzi tub next door.

She filled up the tub and she and Daniel helped me into it. It felt SO NICE. I felt pretty loopy by this point, since I was really, really sleepy from the Ambien but I had to stay awake to be in the tub and not drown. I sipped on some cool water and hung out in the tub for a while, holding Daniel’s hand.

Epidural

The tub felt great… until it didn’t anymore. I started having a hard time breathing through the contractions in the tub and was SO exhausted and sleepy and long story short, I opted for the epidural. I’m a little unclear as to the passage of time through all of this, but I think I got the epidural at around 3am. The anesthesiologist man was very nice and explained things clearly so I knew what to expect. They numb the area beforehand which was a little pinchy, but after the epi catheter went in, contractions felt great! I could see myself having them on the monitor but they didn’t hurt at all.

What they failed to tell me at the time was that I had a little button to press to continue administering the epidural medication. So, sometime the next morning, I noticed that I was starting to have to focus and breathe through contractions again. I asked the nurse if it was normal to being able to feel contractions through the epidural and that’s when I was told about the button. Argh.

I kept pressing it, hoping it would bring the medication level back up to the point where I didn’t have to really focus on the contractions, and it helped but it never quite got there again.

Amniotomy

Since the baby was still in kind of a weird position, the midwife wanted to break my water to see if that plus the contractions (and some belly maneuvering) would get the baby to move further into my pelvis. Since I already had the epidural, I didn’t feel anything but I also didn’t really look at what they were doing since that crochet hook thingy kind of scares me.

They broke my water and skooshed the baby around a bit and got him to move closer to where he should be. (They were trying to avoid a cord prolapse since he was so high up initially.)

Catheter

Once you have the epidural, you can’t really get out of bed to use the bathroom so they give you a catheter and your pee goes into a container so they can check your urine output.

Late morning rolled around and I was still having regular contractions and had dilated to a 5 (halfway). However, I guess after several hours (and lots of IV fluids) my kidneys hadn’t managed to produce any urine. This is bad bad bad. I’m not really sure if I just overheard the nurses talking about this or whether they told me outright, but I remember thinking, hmm… that’s not good.

Then… everything went really, really fast.

The Talk

The midwife on call came in to talk to me about options. This happened to be the same lady that called me at 36 weeks trying to get me to come in and be induced that night, whom I hadn’t met prior to that phone call. I was… not stoked about this.

I don’t remember now what all the talk entailed, but she told me that the baby had moved back out of position, my kidneys were crap, my bloodwork was crap, my water had already been broken and there was no point in having me continue to labor especially if my organs were not working and they would like to take me in for a c-section.

I burst into tears.

She kept talking to me about it and about how it’s the best thing to do at this point and we must consider the health of the baby and blah blah blah. I just sobbed. Mostly I think I was just scared, and kind of sad that absolutely nothing about this birth was how I envisioned it happening.

As she was talking, more and more people were filing into the room. I was handed a consent form to sign saying that I would allow them to cut me open. I scribbled a signature. Nurses were changing the bags of IV fluid and a different anesthesiologist came in to administer whatever kind of stuff they use for c-section numbing (a spinal?). Daniel was handed scrubs and told to change. Finally, the midwife asked if I had any questions and I squeaked out, “Can I call my mom?”

At that point, my parents were driving in from Idaho and were about halfway to Portland. We had been keeping them updated with text messages and the occasional phone call, but by that point I was too far gone to even think about talking on the phone so I ended up having Daniel call them. I think he had to leave a message on voicemail, and oh god what a horrible thing to have to listen to – “Hi, your daughter is going in for major abdominal surgery! Um, hope you get this message!”

Surgery

I was wheeled out of the labor and delivery room to the operating room. Daniel was instructed to stay outside the door while they prepped me for surgery, and all I remember about the room was that it was chilly and there were giant round lights on the ceiling.

They put the blue sheet up in front of my face and brought Daniel in to sit next to my head. I was really, really jittery. My chin was shivering and my shoulders and arms were too. I couldn’t control it and I remember being really irritated by this. (Apparently, this is pretty common, but nobody told me it would happen or what was happening to me.)

What I did know about c-sections is that there is a lot of tugging and pulling, it’s just that you can’t feel it. I am SO GLAD that I knew about this beforehand because holy jeeze, I would have been so freaked out. They really yank you around. I felt lots of pulling and pushing and then I felt the exact moment they took the baby out because I instantly lost about 10 pounds.

The Baby

Immediately after I felt him come out, he started crying. You know how when someone makes fake crying noises and says “Waaah! Waaah!” and people laugh because really, who cries like that? NEWBORN BABIES, that’s who. That’s exactly what he sounded like!

I saw them carry the baby over to my left and start working on him. They had Daniel watch the baby while I was sewn up and I kept trying to get his attention to tell him to GET THE FREAKING CAMERA OUT OF HIS POCKET which finally worked so we do have some brand-new baby pictures.

His APGAR scores were 9 and 10. Winner baby! He weighed 6 pounds, 14 ounces and was 19 inches long. Pretty good for being three weeks early!

Recovery

I was wheeled into a postpartum room and started on magnesium sulfate to help my body recover from the preeclampsia. My mom (who is a labor and delivery nurse) warned me that they might want to put me on it and said it’d make me feel like I got hit by a truck. Mom was right.

I felt super gross and threw up into a plastic container several times, even though I hadn’t had anything but ice chips to eat for practically a whole day. I ate some strawberry jello later and threw that up too, but that wasn’t as bad. I don’t remember a whole lot from those first post-surgery hours – practically the next thing I remember is my parents showing up around 4 or 5pm and heading straight for the baby.

Wesley

It was around this time that Daniel and I decided to officially name Baby. I had been lobbying for “Wesley” for a couple of weeks, mostly just because I liked it. It was one of the few where I could envision myself with a kid by that name. Daniel’s middle name is Leif, and both of us have always liked that name a lot so the middle name was actually very easy.

We spent a lot of time with Wesley on my chest in just a diaper, snuggling. We tried breastfeeding and he took to it well, but we saw some lactation consultants anyway. He had a habit of getting super worked up before feeding and would forget why he was there or what he was supposed to be doing. We ended up enticing him with a bit of sugar water, which did seem to help. Later one of the lactation consultants had me start using a nipple shield to help him latch on easier. I have mixed feelings about this, since it kind of sucks to have this extra thing to remember to bring places, but it does make Wesley much happier and a better eater, so it’s an okay tradeoff.

Hospital Stay

We had several visitors in the hospital, including my parents, Daniel’s dad and stepmom, my cousin and her two kids, Daniel’s boss and his ladyfriend and their kids, and our friends Callie and Josh.

Wesley’s first night was an adventure. C-section babies don’t get skooshed very much when they’re born, so they tend to have more fluid left in their lungs that they urp out over the course of a few days. That first night, there were FOUR SEPARATE INSTANCES of CHOKING EPISODES where I woke up to my baby aspirating his own spitup FOUR FEET AWAY FROM ME in his bassinet, with me immobile in a hospital bed, unable to reach him to turn him on his side. Talk about traumatic.

Unable to wake Daniel up from across the room, I used my nurse call button. When the nurse answers or hangs up, it (fortunately for me!) makes a loud clacky noise which woke Daniel up and of course by this time Wesley was totally fine, but we checked him out anyway and had the nurse check him out when she got there a minute later. Gah.

I slept in five minute increments that first night. I woke up to every snuffle, squeak, or movement. On the bright side, I had the kind of night where five minutes seems like it takes 45 minutes so I still felt pretty good in the morning.

Going Home

We spent Wednesday the 24th through Sunday the 28th in the hospital. I was told I’d be discharged at 10am, but the lactaction consultant I saw was freaking out because Wesley had a bunch of dirty diapers early on and then didn’t really have another for about a day, even though he had many wet ones. I was not freaked out by this, as I know that breastfed babies tend to have weird pooping habits, but they insisted we come into the lactation clinic the next day for a weight check to make sure he was actually eating enough. What they really wanted was for me to stay another night, but UGH. I just wanted to go home!

As part of the discharge procedures, they removed the staples from my incision and replaced them with steri-strips. The OB doctor who performed my surgery came by to check out my incision and declared that it looked great, so I was cleared to leave. I also had to be transported to the doors in a wheelchair due to the hospital’s liability rules.

My dad brought the car around and Daniel put the baby’s carseat into the car and we drove off!

Thoughts

For a couple weeks afterward, I cried anytime anybody asked me about the c-section. I’m still not totally sure why, but I think it was just because I didn’t really think it would come down to that and I was kind of surprised that it did. In the hospital, I was under the impression that things were going swimmingly even though I was sick, and I’m not sure if that’s because I wasn’t told how sick I was or because I just didn’t understand. A few weeks out, with my two-week postpartum visit completed, I’ve come to the conclusion that I was a lot more ill than I was made aware of at the time. I understand why the c-section had to happen and I don’t feel like a failure at all. I was just sad that it went that way.

I also cried anytime I thought about my parents visiting, because my mom did helpful motherly things like drying me off after my first post-surgery shower when I couldn’t do it myself, and helping me use the bathroom and putting a pad in my hospital-issue mesh underpants for me. THANKS MOM.

Overall, absolutely nothing about Wesley’s birth went how I envisioned it. I didn’t want to be induced, I didn’t want to have an epidural, I didn’t want to be stuck in my bed while laboring, I didn’t want a c-section. That said, I don’t have negative feelings about his birth either – it went in a totally unexpected manner but he’s here and healthy and that’s what matters.

When I went in yesterday I had the same midwife that called me on Wednesday. I still think she’s a little more trigger-happy than the other ladies, but the message I got was that since I’ve basically hit full-term and my numbers are still crap, there’s really not any benefit to waiting. Baby needs to come out! As such, they made me an appointment in the hospital for 8am.

Last night was kind of weird… it still didn’t feel real. I didn’t sleep very well and I told Daniel it was like waiting for Christmas, except a SCARY Christmas, with less presents and more helpless infants.

We took a while getting out the door but made it to our appointment more or less on time. I got monitored for a while and then they gave me misoprostol at about 9:30am to get things started. Right around my second dose at 12:30pm or so, I started feeling some contractions.

My nurse is really nice and is a Harry Potter fan. I told her I brought one of the books and she looked horrified and said, “YOU HAVEN’T READ THEM?” and I was like, “Oh good lord, of course I’ve read them, I’m RE-reading them.” and she was like, “Oh good. I was going to wonder what was wrong with you.” Hahaha!

Hospital food here tastes fine (good, even!) but the portions are so SKIMPY. I felt like a cow ordering several items for both Daniel and I (sneaky!) and come to find out, it was a totally reasonable amount of food for one person. Their French Toast? ONE PIECE. Of normal, Wonderbread-sized bread. One piece! I was so much hungrier than one piece of French Toast! I had a weensy bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch, plus some pears and chocolate milk. Exciting!

Contractions so far are just uncomfortable, sometimes verging on painful depending on their length/severity. It feels like bad period cramps. Baby is still kind of in a weird position – they called it “oblique” (scroll down to “Lying Around”) and this is exactly how it feels like he’s sitting. He’s head-down, but he’s a weensy bit sideways so his head is more or less sitting on my hip bone. He could still move down into my pelvis, especially once I start active labor, so nobody’s concerned yet. It does make contractions feel weirder on that side though – if it does hurt, that’s the area where it hurts.

That’s about where we are at the moment. I’ll get another update at about 7pm when they check me again. I might get Cervidil and then we’ll wait and see how that goes. If that’s the case, they’ve also ordered me an Ambien so I can get a good night’s sleep, and I’ll probably get Pitocin in the morning. No real idea when things might really get going.

That said, unless something drastically changes, my next post here might be introducing Baby! Eeep!

I am still kind of freaking out. When the midwife was explaining it all to me it made sense, but then I was like, “So… what’s the timeline for all of this? Within the week?” and she was like, “You could come in tonight if you wanted.” And I was like ACK NO NO NO! I need time to process this! AUGH!

My alternative was to repeat the 24-hour urine test and keep my Friday morning appointment and repeat my bloodwork then. They weren’t super stoked on that idea because they may or may not have my test results by the time of my appointment, they want to induce me anyway so I really wouldn’t be buying myself any more time, and they’d have to call me back with my bloodwork results later in the day, just to tell me to go to Labor & Delivery at the hospital.

To compromise, I volunteered to start the 24-hour test late yesterday, so that I could turn it in today and we could have the results by my appointment. The midwife was like, “Ah… yes, and we could have the lab run your bloodwork when you turn in your test instead of us taking it on Friday… I think this will work.” So! I am collecting my pee in a jug again but I didn’t have to go deliver a baby yesterday as a surprise, so I think it’s a good tradeoff.

Less than ideal

During the explanation, the midwife was like, “So, looking at your chart, this is probably not the birth you wanted or expected to have.” and I was like, “HA. No.” I’m still trying to deal with that, honestly. I really, truly believe in the power of women’s bodies to do what they need to do in labor and I’m pretty bummed I won’t even get the chance to have the sort of birth I wanted.

I’m not anti-pain-meds, but I did want to attempt a natural birth and was pretty confident I could do it as long as I didn’t receive Pitocin to jumpstart or augment labor. If I had to get Pitocin, I said, all bets are off and I will probably get an epidural. I also didn’t want constant monitoring or an automatic IV, all of which I’m basically guaranteed as part of an induction. Plus, induction carries a higher risk of a c-section because you’re making your body do something it’s not ready for (and something the baby isn’t ready for) so things can go downhill pretty easily.

I’m just… upset, I guess, that this is all happening so fast and I don’t really feel like I have a lot of say in the matter. I’m proud of myself for asking to bump up the 24-hour test (they like to start it in the morning, but since it’s a 24-hour test, that 24 hours can technically start at any point) so THANK YOU to my labor & delivery nurse mom who suggested that I ask for that. Otherwise, I just feel like a lot of this is out of my control and it makes me nervous.

The Plan

I am going in for my appointment on Friday morning, at which point I fully expect to be sent off to L&D at the hospital to begin my induction. Mom said that the first day will likely be really, really boring and uneventful while they try to adjust the meds they’re giving you to start labor. Since I’m a first-timer and am a month early, we’re betting that the induction will not be super fast/easy since my body just isn’t ready yet.

Best case scenario, my body takes to the induction really well and we have a baby by Friday night or early Saturday. The more likely scenario is that it doesn’t work right away and they have to continue to try to induce Saturday and I deliver late Saturday or early Sunday. Worst case scenario, Baby and I don’t take to the induction at all and they have to whisk me away for a c-section. Let us all hope this is not the case.

The hospital keeps you post-birth for about 48 hours, so depending on timing I could be in the hospital until Tuesday or so. I am bringing my laptop and camera(s) so we should be able to update everyone on progress and the eventual baby.

(I bet you are all dying to know his name. Heh. So are we.)

• BP was terrible (160/90) when they first took it, so about ten minutes later they re-checked and I’m so glad they did, because it improved a ton (134/82).
• Because it was so high initially and my leg/foot swelling was so bad, the midwife decided to put me on bedrest. Argh! This means I am on the couch or my bed basically 24/7, no going to work, and no grocery shopping or housework or anything. Fortunately, my employer is fine with me working from home to finish out my time until I’m on maternity leave. Yay for flexibility!
• They took a blood sample to do some bloodwork so they have a baseline in case I start going downhill – they can compare it and see what’s going on.

They scheduled me to come back today to recheck everything. From today’s appointment, bad/mediocre news first, good news next:

• I had a bit of protein in my urine, and my bloodwork showed elevated levels of uric acid. I don’t actually know what this means, other than it is not really a good sign. The midwife said neither number was particularly alarming, exactly, just not ideal.
• Because of this, they are having me do the 24-hour urine collect. Boo! I have a fancy brown bottle that I get to fill with my pee and keep in my fridge. Delightful.
• Blood pressure: 130/80! YAY! Bedrest seems to be working.
• I lost two pounds! Also yay!
• Foot swelling is down! I think this is the reason I lost two pounds – it’s all water weight, but since I can move my ankles again I am more than happy to take it.
• Baby has moved head-down! We had the fastest ultrasound ever, on the same ancient machine, in which she pointed out the white lines that were the edges of his skull and that was it. Baby’s heartbeat sounds great.

Final word was that I don’t have preeclampsia, but she wouldn’t be at all surprised if I developed it, so the goal is to have that happen later rather than sooner. They also bumped me up to twice-weekly appointments to keep a close eye on me, so from here on out I’ll go in Tuesdays and Fridays.

Bedrest

Sounds like a picnic, right? Hanging out on the couch all day?

Not so much. I mean, I’m working from home, so technically I am occupied from the hours of 8:30am-5:30pm, but once you’re forced to be on the couch it becomes much less appealing. Plus, I feel fine! It’d almost be easier if I felt “sick” or otherwise in need of 24/7 resting.

Also, you know how your butt hurts after sitting through a long movie? Imagine days and weeks worth of that. Blah!

I’m not really sure how restrictive I’m supposed to be; I’m allowed to get up for bathroom breaks and the occasional shower, but I’m not sure whether or not I can complete simple sewing projects for instance. I forgot to ask today.

(I am totally flouting the rules to attend my baby shower on Saturday. Wouldn’t miss it for the world!)

Remodel

I got a call from our building’s maintenance guy on Monday to let me know that during our annual inspection, they discovered some major issues in the bathroom that they’d like to take care of, and basically they want to remodel our bathroom.

Yes. A full bathroom remodel, on our only bathroom, with me at 35 weeks pregnant, on bedrest, with a baby that may or may not come early due to this whole BP issue. DOES THIS NOT SOUND LIKE THE WORST IDEA EVER?

A guy from the company slated to do the remodel stopped by this morning to assess the situation and determine his price and timeline. They need to rip up the floor, fix some nails that are migrating upward, replace the floor, tear out the tile in the shower, fix some squishiness in the walls, re-do the tub surround, and possibly replace the sink.

It was at this point I was told that it would take THREE WEEKS to complete the work. Everyone I’ve talked to has encouraged me to go for it before the baby arrives rather than after, since you don’t want to renovate a bathroom with a newborn in tow, but GOOD GRIEF. I also do not want to be 35+ weeks pregnant and without a bathroom for nearly a month.

ARGH.

At this point, I am waiting to hear back from Maintenance Steve with the landlord’s response to the remodeling company’s assessment and bid. If they decide to go ahead with it, I am going to ask about being put up in a hotel. I’m on bedrest so I can rest from anywhere, but I need a bathroom. This is non-negotiable.

Impeccable timing, no?

Dr’s appointment yesterday didn’t offer a lot of great news – my blood pressure is elevated (140/90, up from 140/76 two weeks ago) so they want me to come back in Monday for another blood pressure check just to make sure it’s not continuing to go up.

I don’t seem to be spilling any protein in my urine or having any hand/face swelling or dizziness, so I don’t think I have preeclampsia, but they want to err on the safe side. Right now, I’m hoping for two things:

1. Blood pressure either stays the same or goes down. I really, really don’t want it to go up. This also contributes quite a bit (I think, anyway) to the foot swelling so any improvement here would be welcome.
2. I continue to not have protein in my urine. The midwife mentioned something about maybe doing a 24-hour sample collect, where you have to keep all your urine for 24 hours in a jug and then bring it in so they can test it. DO NOT WANT.

I keep joking with Daniel that he’s going to start feeding me only salads and gruel to try to keep my BP down. Somehow I get the impression that he is considering it.

They also wheeled in a terrifically ancient-looking ultrasound machine to verify Baby’s position, because at this point, they really should be head-down to prepare for labor. Just to be difficult, Baby was transverse. Argh.

Daniel gave him a pep talk to try to get him to turn, and I’ve been hanging out in Cat Cow to try to give him a bit more room. I have basically no torso so I don’t blame him for stretching out sideways across my tummy, but HEY. BABY. There is this thing called “birth” we have to go through, and best to not make it more difficult than necessary for the both of us. Head: down. Now.

Breastfeeding Class

This went well. I was surprised to discover that I knew several of the points the instructor made just from reading so many parenting blogs over the years. Internet win! We got a book to refer to and lots of handouts, and we practiced some nursing positions with plastic baby dolls.

I made the class giggle during introductions because we were supposed to mention a concern or fear we had regarding breastfeeding and I said I was afraid my boobs would suffocate my baby. And then I turned bright pink, because HELLO, the only person in this room I know is my husband and now I have basically just said hi! My name is Meggan and I have ridiculously large boobs, nice to meet you.

Sleep

I actually haven’t been doing too poorly in the sleep department, but apparently poor Daniel is being woken up by my outrageously loud breathing and/or snoring. Whoops. My nose gets kind of snuffly in the evenings so by the time I go to bed I can’t breathe through my nose very well and I guess I make a lot of noise? Occasionally I’ll wake up to him elbowing me but that’s about all I remember.

Lucky

I just wanted to mention how much I lucked out with Daniel as my husband. He will volunteer to squish my feet if they are painful, he does all our laundry and dishes, handles a lot of the grocery shopping, makes me dinner, and is great about cleaning the apartment.

He is excited about preparing for Baby and wasn’t a bum about going to classes or participating once we were there. This past weekend he told me he’s looking forward to carrying Baby around in a sling, and if I hadn’t already been sitting I would have keeled over from the cuteness.

OMG SO ADORABLE.

He turns 25 on Sunday and I am so pleased that I’ve gotten to share the last 9-ish years with him. Love you, Danbob!