Gamer? Not So Much.

Foo Fighters – “Over and Out”

I’m not very good at games like Grand Theft Auto III or Vice City, or The Warriors or really any game where you run amok and shoot people and steal things. The reason why? I feel bad.

I’m cool with playing GTAIII if I can get into a taxi and just do the taxi missions (picking people up and dropping them off at various locations around the city) or ambulance missions or what have you. Anything else, I’m just going to feel bad about. I can’t suspend my moral code long enough to get into shooting hookers on the street and stealing their money or punching someone in the face as I run by. Daniel is good at the moral suspension and will mow people down all day if he could. Then there’s me on the couch going, “WHY’D YOU SHOOT HER?!? She wasn’t doing anything to you! You just ran by and shot her!” and “DID YOU JUST RUN THAT GUY OVER ON YOUR MOTORCYCLE? Oh! You DID! There is a blood trail on the road from your tire! GROSS.” I just can’t get into it.

In The Warriors game, you’re a gang member. This inherently sets you up for dastardly deeds around the city, including, but not limited to: muggings, armed robbery, murder, and gang initiation. I don’t even think I could play that game, because the whole point is to rough up people. You’re supposed to buy spray paint or drugs from people on the street, but Daniel just murders the people and steals their goods and money. This is, I think, an intentional loophole, one that I think most players take advantage of. Me? I’d probably pay them what they asked for and then skip happily away with my drugs, knowing that I just made a fair deal.

Now, give me a game like Crash Bandicoot or Kirby’s Air Ride, and I am ALL OVER THAT. You go on cool missions, collect Wumpa fruit and gems, and try to get all the crystals, or for KAR you zoom around on paths and try to beat other players or your own score. This is the only racing game I have ever enjoyed. Even cooler is Animal Crossing (YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING). You’ve got your own house to decorate, clothes to acquire, fish and insects to catch, fossils to dig up and send to the museum, fruit to pick and sell, and villagers to talk to. There’s so many great things to do and none of it involves killing or robbery.

I know it’s totally dorky, but I really do feel bad about my game character doing bad things.

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