March 21, 2014 3:26 pm

Still Breech but Less Panicked

On the advice of a friend (thanks Meag!), I called my midwives today to have them talk me down a bit and see if they would be able to confirm baby’s position before the weekend. That way, if I was wrong and baby was head-up, I didn’t have to spend the weekend upside down. However, if I was right, maybe we could try to do something about it.

They both palpated the baby and had different guesses, so they confirmed it with a super quick ultrasound. I was right, unfortunately – baby is breech for sure.

Denise says I have a lot of room and adequate fluid for the baby to turn, and there’s still a lot of time. She’d be more concerned if I was a first-time mom, but this is my second baby and the baby’s butt isn’t engaged in my pelvis, so that’s a good sign that she’ll still turn. She was also able to move the baby into a transverse position for a bit, so that’s a good sign too.

Denise recommended I keep doing all the stuff I’ve been doing, and indicated we could try to turn the baby around at my next appointment if I’d like.

I’m disappointed that I was right, but I’m glad I know for sure and I’m feeling a little less panicked.

——

I cried after I made the phone call asking to come in. (And by “after” I mean I was getting choked up on the phone when trying to describe how I was feeling and I’m glad the office manager told me she’d have Denise call me back to talk.)

For some stupid reason, I guess I see it as a sign of strength to not need to call for help? I never once came in “unscheduled” like that when I was pregnant with Wesley – not even the time I fell down – and I think I was a bit little proud of that. People make fun of pregnant women for freaking out about every little twinge – I’ve heard of hospitals calling them “frequent flyers” for coming in to be checked so often – and I liked that I wasn’t one of the people that call in for stupid stuff. It’s hard to get past that and be okay with saying “I know this might not seem like a big deal to you but I need help processing this.”

I’m supposed to be collecting stuff for my birth kit, but now it all feels really horrible and jinxy. Like, “why buy [homebirth thing / postpartum thing], I’m not even going to need it anyway.” And I hate that I keep thinking those thoughts! They’re awful. I want to NOT be thinking those things.

I don’t know. It’s difficult to articulate to somebody who hasn’t had a negative birth experience why having the chance at a positive or empowering birth experience would be important to me. I’m sure it sounds dumb.

Obviously, I recognize that having a c-section isn’t the end of the world – I have a lovely little boy who was born that way. But birth matters. Having a “healthy baby and a healthy mama” is super important but it is also not the only thing that’s important – mama’s experience matters too.

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3 Comments

  • Jem says:

    I saw your other post yesterday but didn’t get chance to comment. I didn’t have this “problem” myself but I know of a lot of mumd who were breech with their second and the vast majority turned. You just have to remember that and try to keep thinking positive. You CAN do this :)

    I would tell you about my mum’s breech vaginal birth but like you said in your other post, it’s not about whether or not you could birth that way anf more what your birthing provider will support. :/

    Thinking of you x

    • Jem says:

      Apols for bad typing.. on phone!

    • Meggan says:

      If I weren’t a VBAC with an “untested pelvis” I’d be more gung-ho about trying to find a care provider that would attend a breech birth. As it stands, I’m really not sure it’s even something I want to try to undertake.

      It’s helpful for me to hear of people that have had their breech babies turn! I feel like I don’t know ANYBODY who has had a breech baby (at any stage of the game) so I am feeling pretty on-my-own in terms of anecdotes.