June 4, 2010 2:45 pm

Conflicted

I have to return to work in a week.

I’m really conflicted about this. Let me start by saying that I love my job. I really do – the people are awesome, the company culture is young and fun and laid-back, and I enjoy the work that I do. I just have a very, very hard time handing someone a fistful of money and my infant child and saying, “Well, see you later! I’ve met you once! Hope you take good care of him!” while I go off to sit in an office all day.

I just feel so bad for him, you know? Like one morning, I’m just going to be GONE and he will be with people he doesn’t know, eating from a bottle all day instead of snuggling with me, napping in unfamiliar places… and he won’t have any idea WHY I’m not there or what’s going on.

And I don’t really “put him down for a nap” – he falls asleep when he falls asleep and I’m usually holding him, and he’ll occasionally consent to being transferred to his swing or carseat for the duration but not very often. How is he going to nap at all if they plunk him in a crib by himself and expect him to sleep like that? They certainly can’t snuggle him for all his naps!

I think what gets me is that I don’t feel like I have a choice in the matter. We have to pay rent and my student loans and our bills, and we need health insurance. So here we are.

How am I going to leave this sweet little face all day?

Cutest Ever

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12 Comments

  • Angela says:

    I really wish maternity leave in the Us was longer. Thats what terrifies me about having a kid, knowing we can’t afford for me to stay home right now :(.

  • Christine says:

    *hug* I’m trying to think of something comforting to say, but no matter what you’re going to miss him like crazy. :dep:

  • gretchen says:

    oh Meggan….. I wish I was a sugar mama and then I could come down to Portland, snuggle Wesley to sleep when he naps and then cook you guys dinner when you and Daniel are ready to be home. Or at least for the summer.

  • BreAnna says:

    You are such a good mom Meggan, he is a lucky boy. I hope all goes well with going back to work.

  • Melissa says:

    Maternity leave here is such crap. That’s one thing I really wish the government would fix. That and the fact that health insurance is tied to your work. It really stinks.

  • Rose says:

    AWWWWWWW :( :(

    I guess there’s no way you could afford your own personal nanny, eh?

    This post makes me sad.

  • becca says:

    Ugh. Just– ugh. I’m so sorry. It’s such a suck Catch 22: you have to leave something you love to provide for something you love. Like Melissa said, maternity leave is ridiculous… I hope the transition is easy as it can be for both of you. (OMG HE IS CUTE BTW.)

  • Caity says:

    It stinks that maternity leave is so short. I hope that it isn’t too hard for you to go back, hun.

  • Audrey says:

    Rock and a hard place indeed. :( I agree with the other comments: maternity leave in the US needs a look-at.

  • Jenny says:

    Evil maternity leave is indeed short. Could you possibly get like… a doctors note? hehe

    And your son is ADORABLE *squeezes him*

  • Whitney says:

    while i do not have a child, and thus do not have much to contribute to the subject of day care and maternity leave, i would like to say that that face is so danged CUTE! ^^ i would miss it, too.

  • Erin says:

    It gets easier, but is definitely something we need to fix in this country.