I have to return to work in a week.
I’m really conflicted about this. Let me start by saying that I love my job. I really do – the people are awesome, the company culture is young and fun and laid-back, and I enjoy the work that I do. I just have a very, very hard time handing someone a fistful of money and my infant child and saying, “Well, see you later! I’ve met you once! Hope you take good care of him!” while I go off to sit in an office all day.
I just feel so bad for him, you know? Like one morning, I’m just going to be GONE and he will be with people he doesn’t know, eating from a bottle all day instead of snuggling with me, napping in unfamiliar places… and he won’t have any idea WHY I’m not there or what’s going on.
And I don’t really “put him down for a nap” – he falls asleep when he falls asleep and I’m usually holding him, and he’ll occasionally consent to being transferred to his swing or carseat for the duration but not very often. How is he going to nap at all if they plunk him in a crib by himself and expect him to sleep like that? They certainly can’t snuggle him for all his naps!
I think what gets me is that I don’t feel like I have a choice in the matter. We have to pay rent and my student loans and our bills, and we need health insurance. So here we are.
How am I going to leave this sweet little face all day?