I’ve started this particular post over at least ten times. I can’t quite figure out what to say without it being awkward or inappropriate, but I need to get it off my chest. Here goes:
I feel defeated. I’m over here bawling for some reason I can’t quite pinpoint and I don’t know what the matter is. I know it’s a combination of things, but I still can’t figure out exactly what.
This C++ class has kicked my ass all term and made me feel horrible about myself.
I get frustrated when Daniel comes home from work and just wants to sleep instead of talking to me and then I feel guilty because I know he needs to sleep, and then I feel selfish for wanting to talk.
I still don’t think I fully recovered from my nervous breakdown at about this time last term.
I have no libido to speak of and I’m paranoid that something awful will happen as a result of it.
I’m in the midst of finals and final projects and it’s horrifically stressful but I try not to let it show.
I sometimes feel like I have more friends inside the computer than I do in real life, and I suspect that that’s true.
This makes it difficult to hang out with anybody.
There’s so many things that I feel bad about, but I turn it around to make it seem like it’s Daniel’s problem when it’s not really, and then he feels like an ass and then I feel HORRIBLE that I made him feel bad, even though that’s sort of what (I think) I set out to do.
I constantly feel unattractive despite Daniel’s statements to the contrary, because I know I’m fat.
I’m upset by the fact that Daniel thinks that getting married will turn us into the stereotypical boring old married couple and that’s why he doesn’t want to get engaged. And because it’s an “adult” thing to do and he’s “not an adult.”
I feel bad that I even want to get engaged, even though we’ve been together for nearing five years.
Any free time I have should be spent on homework, and I feel incredibly guilty when I do something for fun and then I don’t really enjoy it.
I sometimes worry that I might be depressed, but I don’t want to get formally screened for it because honestly? What would I do if I was? I can’t afford to do anything about it.
I feel bad that Daniel’s used to falling asleep by himself because I generally stay up later than he does.
I feel bad that when I mentioned this to him, he said it was kind of funny because if it were me, I would ask him to come to bed at the same time. Note to self: I’m a terribly selfish person.
I wonder why I have to end up with stress-related ailments.
I haven’t been sleeping well. It generally takes me 1/2 an hour to fall asleep, but lately it’ll take over an hour, and then I sleep for 12 hours straight and still don’t feel rested.
Take your pick. I feel defeated, bad, predictable, selfish. On a day-to-day basis. Heh, and I wonder why my eye exploded?